Surprise! It’s Christmas day and the world is a better place!

There are still atrocities and evils. There still exist examples of every way in which a human being can be a bad person. But there are also examples of good in this world. I don’t mean the good that you can find in a church, though I’m sure that churches do contain some. I don’t mean the pretty words that people say to meet with societal approval. I don’t mean either side of any political argument. The good that I’m talking about is found in the motivation for single, individual actions that cause ripples throughout our human network. That network has existed for far longer than integrated circuits and telephone cables.

One person makes a choice to act in favor of freedom or against cruelty. One person stands up against a harmful deed. One person rewards compassion. There are thousands, maybe millions of individuals who chose to do a good thing today. I don’t know what all of those things are, but I see some of the actions in my friends and acquaintances every day. Most of the actions are minor, others are grand. I’m sure today was not too different.

Except that, I had a mission for Christmas: I wanted to spread Christmas cheer. How trivial! How foolish! I cannot say for certain that anything I did will have repercussions that last longer than tomorrow. I never thought that it would. I don’t know that my actions will have any greater consequence than to bring smiles to a few faces. I’m not pompous enough to believe that they will. But I remember the human network. We interact with each other. In those interactions, the way we behave has as much of an impact on others as the actual moves we make.

It seems to me that because of technological advancements, the human network has become terribly effective in altering the flow of our society, without the realization of most participants. This current state of idea transfer is so quick and so blatant that advertising executives have figured out that the concept can be used to connect with consumers on a very visceral level. Commercials and print ads have both glommed onto the human network concept with great results. Some are obvious, like Cisco’s ads that actually refer to “the human network”. Others are more subtle, like department store commercials where one person hands off a product to another person and so forth. I didn’t like the old Morgan Fairchild Old Navy commercials, but I like the new ones that show clothes being passed around this way.

I try to influence the network, too. I don’t have the funds or free time to give gifts or cards to every good person I know, but I do what I can. This year, I sent gifts or cards via the handy shipping industries to over forty people. Last night, I personally visited thirty-one people in twenty-three different locations covering about 270 miles (I did get a little lost here and there). That makes seventy-one people within one week, if you don’t count their immediate family members who may be visiting or living with them. Since the first of December, if you estimate that I spent two hours on average for each blog entry, then today makes fifty hours. That means I’ve spent longer than the standard work week just on writing up ideas in hopes of raising spirits (mostly my own, but still…) I know that at least two people who are not in my immediate circle of contacts have read my blogs, because they told me so. Maybe a few others have, too.

I’m not a big company. I’m not a celebrity or a television network or a periodical publisher. I’m neither teacher, public speaker, nor politician. In my regular course of events, there’s a limit to how many people I can readily affect, so I’m proud of my efforts. It got to be such an endeavor this year that I had to design a database to keep track of it all. (I’ll be releasing the Gift Giver’s List, v.1.0, just a little ways down the road. It makes a great present for that loved one with OCD.)

I don’t believe I harmed anyone or anything in my pursuit of Cheer, but I’ve already gotten some responses that make me think that I’ve given people a little boost of happiness they may not have otherwise had today. I hope that this boost might last until tomorrow. If it lasts until next week for anybody, then I’ll be thrilled by my own accomplishment. And maybe, just maybe, because of my efforts, some of this sentiment will get passed on to even more people. How many times have you been in a difficult situation where you didn’t make it any better because you were in a sour mood? How many times have you made matters worse due to a bad mood? It’s happened to me on too many occasions to count. Can we make clearer choices when we are feeling positive? Does it become easier to choose the good choice when we’re already feeling good? I think so.

How many political debates become vendettas because of a bad attitude? How many theological discussions carry a burden of grumpiness that makes people close their minds tighter instead of opening themselves up to new perspectives? How many consumers would forgive a good business person for mistakes if only they are treated with a bit more empathy? If only those people could get a funny or heartwarming card just before the bad happens. That’s far too simple to be right, but you never know. Until we are all replaced by robots, attitude does make a difference in our days. I’m personally hoping that my robot impression will save me even when the time does come. But until then, I can see the worth of good spirits, even if it’s hard for me to retain them.

It’s very likely that tomorrow, I’ll go back to hating everybody and everything, everywhere, for every reason. Today, I’m keeping a tight grasp on my good mood along with a cup of hot cocoa and various baked goods. Today, I’m laughing as loud as I want at every little thing. Today, I’m still not embarrassed to admit that I cry during those sappy Christmas specials. Today, I love you all for doing nothing else than taking the time to read my ridiculously verbose articles. Tomorrow, I’ll probably deny it all.

But today, at least slightly, the world is a better place because I made it so.
You helped.
Merry Christmas!

Christmas Wrapping was done very well by The Waitresses, who came out with that fun song in 1981. The back story isn’t as fun, but the back story isn’t what I hear on the radio every December. Christmas wrapping is not done very well by most adults. On the one hand, decorated presents are supposed to look pretty and the general U.S. sensibility is that pretty things come from women and gay men. On the other hand, I view putting together presents as a sort of Do-It-Yourself project, with certain guidelines to follow, tools to use, measurements to make, and an end result that does the job it was built to do.

As I was packing up my bag full of goodies for my friends, I thought about how so many people I know just don’t like wrapping presents. Maybe it’s because nobody has ever given them help to do it. Perhaps they get frustrated because their results are less than spectacular. In the spirit of hoping to make everyone’s season bright, let me describe how I put together one type of project: the decorated rigid hexahedron (like a cube, but the lengths of the three sides usually aren’t the same).

First, to make this simplest type of wrapped gift, get a box for whatever you want to present. If it already comes in a box, well done. If it doesn’t come in a box, it will save you some headaches to go to the Container Store or a greeting card store to get a box that fits the scarf or stuffed animal or whatever. While you are there, make sure you get some of these TOOLS (if you haven’t already got plenty at home):
- transparent satin gift wrapping tape (like scotch tape but not too shiny to blend in with wrapping paper)
- many different rolls of wrapping paper. If you’re not sure what looks good, try to stick with things that look like santa claus, snowflakes, christmas trees, or snowmen. Try to get papers where there’s an obvious major color scheme to them and make sure you have at least three different colors, unless you’re giving fewer than three presents. I do not recommend cheap paper, as it will tear easily. If you’re able to feel it before purchase, find something with a sturdiness between newspaper (too weak) and envelope paper (too rigid).
- tissue paper (not for nose-blowing, but for lining the inside of your box. if you’re not sure what kind you want, white is safe enough)
- ribbon (I recommend thin, flat ribbon for beginners, in solid colors like red, green, silver, or gold. By thin, I mean about the width of your pinkie finger nail.)
- gift wrap scissors. The kitchen scissors and the rusty scissors your desk or toolbox will all be much more likely to tear or serrate the paper, giving it that “this is a bomb” look that we should avoid. I prefer to use two types of cutting tools: 1) scissors that open and close as usual for detail work, and 2) pizza cutter type scissors so that you can run an easy straight line when you cut off the paper from the roll. I like Fiskars’ 45mm rotary cutter.

Now, the project itself. First, put your present in the box with the tissue paper. I like the look of tissue that has crumples in it, so I crumple first before I lay it flat on the bottom of the box. Then the gift goes on top. Then I crumple and lay more tissue paper on top of that. Then we close it up. Before we go any further, let me say: use the least amount of tape that you can, on every step of this project. Too much tape might make you feel secure that you won’t have a wrapping malfunction, but by the same logic will convey a sense of insecurity. Be confident in your work and you won’t need that sticky moral support. That being said, use a small amount of tape to ensure your box won’t fall open during the wrapping process. The tape doesn’t have to keep the box closed for transit — the paper will take care of that. For example, when wrapping a shirt box, I’ll use one thumbnail-sized piece of tape to hold closed the longest sides.

Second, we measure the paper. It’s best to have a large flat surface for this, like a table that’s longer in every direction than your roll of wrapping paper. I don’t have that, so I tend to clean and clear off floor space for it. With your gift nearby, unroll a couple of hand-widths of length of paper, decorated side down on the surface. Place the gift centered onto the unrolled paper so that the edge of the gift is within the paper’s space but not far from the border of it. As you look downward at the box, there will be a side closest to the edge of the paper, another side that’s closest to the roll of paper, one side face down, one side facing you, and then two sides perpendicular to the roll. Is the width of visible paper by the perpendicular sides enough that if you just pulled it straight up snug on those sides, more than half of the box side would be covered? If not, can the box be rotated in some fashion so that this situation occurs? If no, you need a wider roll of paper.

Once you are in this condition, you are going to need to unroll the paper while rolling the box four times — that’s why you needed to make sure the box wouldn’t fall open. Here’s how: Making sure that the far edge of the gift is near the edge of the paper, unroll enough paper so it appears that between the near edge of the gift and the roll, there’s enough paper to cover the side that’s facing the roll with a little extra room to spare. Be careful not to let your pivoting edge slip and rotate the gift box toward you so that the face that was toward the roll is now facing down on the paper. Repeat this process two more times. Now give yourself about a fist’s worth of margin between the box and the roll of paper. Use scissors or a rotary cutter to cut the paper just parallel to the roll. The roll here acts as your straight edge. Congratulations on having measured just the right amount!

Third, (hardest part) we close up the paper. Start by centering the gift box on the measured paper you just cut. If the gift box has a “top side”, put that face down on the paper. Make sure that your roll of tape is within easy reach. Take the edge of the paper that was already cut and the edge that you just cut and bring them together over the box. Check to see which edge looks cleaner and make bring that edge over the other one. Gently pull the paper snug and just hold it in place. Do not make the rookie mistake of taping the paper to the gift. Avoid the shame. Instead, while you are holding the paper snugly closed against the box with one hand, use the other hand to examine the edges of the paper that you did not cut and are now overlapping. The overlapping paper should line up so that the top portion’s and bottom portion’s edges are flush. This should be the same on both sides. If it is not the case, loosen your hold and adjust the positioning of your box on the paper while re-’snugging’ the paper until both sides do line up. At this point, apply a thumb-sized piece of tape to about the center of where the paper overlaps. Rub the back of fingernail over the tape until it pretty much disappears against the wrapping paper.

Whew, half-way done with the hardest part! Take a moment to contemplate a tube of toothpaste. You know that you’re supposed to squeeze a tube from the bottom so that the paste keeps moving toward the opening, right? Well, when you do that, you end up with a flat end to the tube which gets bigger toward the opening. If you look at the profile of a partially used tube, you see that it starts flat, then suddenly gets bigger in a triangular shape, and then is full sized again up to the end. Keep this image in mind.

Rotate the gift so that one open side of the paper faces you. Slowly bring the top of the opening together with the bottom of the opening and hold them together with one hand while you check the left and right side with the other hand. This situation should seem like that image of a partially used toothpaste tube. See the full height of the gift, then a triangular area that follows the paper sides coming together, and then a flat area that you are holding closed. If the triangular sides don’t look very regular, loosen your grip and ‘fluff’ the paper around the triangular parts a bit until it looks symmetrical to you. As we go through the process of folding and cutting the paper, resist any urge to purposefully make sharp creases — the edges of the paper should only be as smartly creased as results from the snugness of the wrapping and folding. Now, use scissors to cut the paper in the flat area just about where the triangular part starts. This is like cutting off the used-up part of the toothpaste tube. Try to use long strokes with the scissors to avoid serrated edges. Once this is done, release the paper and see if the top side of the section you were holding closed, the part where the paper overlaps itself, can be pressed down to cover the side of the gift. If it more than half covers the side, but isn’t longer than the side, well done. If that top portion of the paper is longer than the side, just repeat this process until it is not. If that top portion covers less than half of the box side, then reach into the paper and gently push the box back to give you a bit more room. This is something you couldn’t do if you had taped the paper to the box or forced creases.

At this point, we go origami on this thing! Do press the top part of the paper down so that it is snug against the box. If you flatten the paper out to the sides of this paper opening, this will cause the left and right sides of the opening to become triangular again, but this time they’ll fall parallel to the sides of the gift and come down to the flat bottom side of the paper opening. The side facing you should look a bit like a simple wall shelf at this point. Still no tape, unless the top portion of the folded paper just refuses to stay still against the box side where you just pressed it. If you must, use another thumbnail-sized piece of tape to hold that paper against the box. Now, slowly press those triangular left and right sides of the opening to be snug against the box side as well. If you do this gently, the side of paper still against the floor should develop triangular edges as well. Don’t tape yet! Finally, pull that floor side of the paper opening up to be snug against the box as well, and flatten all of the paper against that side to enable a tight closure. Now you can hold that last side closed against the gift with one hand while you use the other hand to apply thumbnail-sized pieces of tape at the top left and top right of the trapezoid of paper you just created.

That was tough stuff, but do it again to the other side of the gift. That’s right, you still have another side open.

Final steps are to add ribbon and accessories like a gift tag or bow. The gift tag is probably self-evident. The bow… I tend to avoid pre-tied bows these days and I don’t know how to tie those onion blossom shapes. I can tell you, however, how to tie the ribbon.

Decide which side of the gift is where you’d like to have the bow of the ribbon end up. Put that side face down. As you’re looking at the bottom of the gift, note that one dimension of that face is probably shorter than the other. Draw out enough ribbon to be a total length equal to four times the short dimension of this face plus two times the long dimension of this face. Figure out where the center of the ribbon’s length is, and put that under your gift. Pull the ribbon up over the gift to encircle it just once and then let the rest of the ribbon keep going to either side. If you could imagine the ribbon without the gift, it should appear to be a more or less straight ribbon with one loop in the middle. Where the ribbon goes past itself on the side facing you, pull both sides into the perpendicular direction to cross itself and then head away from itself. You should now see a crossed ribbon on the side facing you. Hold the ribbon against the box but with loose and accessible ends and flip the box over so that the crossed side is now face down. Bring the ribbon back up to cross itself on this face of the box and tie a knot at its self-intersection. Make the knot into a pretty bow if you know how. Whew. We’re done!

Wow, this makes the longest article I’ve written and it’s about how to wrap a gift. I hope this method is as useful to you as it is to me. I wish I’d had someone to show me how to do it when I’d started, but I’m afraid I had to learn the hard way. Yes, I was elf-taught. Anyway, maybe this will make you dread the gift-wrapping procedure a little less so you can enjoy Christmas a little more. After all, if this month of reflection and investigation has taught me anything, it’s that the true meaning of Christmas is… presents! Ho, ho, ho!

This Christmas, 2007, I am a single celebrator.  I am not in a relationship with any woman, neither exclusively nor casually.  I could write a series of blogs just on relationships alone, but at this time I just wanted to touch on the subject as it relates to the holiday.  It’s nothing new to say that it can be tough to be single during this season.

My December as a bachelor is very different from the December of those people I know with significant others.  I don’t spend as much money on gifts, I don’t take days off to spend with anyone.  I don’t travel to visit her family nor do I go on a Christmas vacation.  On Christmas morning, I don’t open presents with that special someone.  Well, my dog is pretty special, but you know what I mean.  Besides, her unwrapping technique is a bit aggressive.  I think I got a good book last year, but the first few chapters are missing now, so…

Don’t misunderstand, there are some aspects to my singularity that are terrific.  Since I’m not spending as much money on another person, I can potentially get myself nicer stuff.  I can choose what to do on any evening on a whim.  I can sing whatever songs I want to sing as loudly and as poorly as I’d like, whenever I wish.  If I want to turn on the Miracle on 34th Street DVD and keep playing it in a loop, it’s no problem.  That pannettone in my kitchen?  All mine.

In addition to all of those great aspects of a solo Christmas, I have no moral constraints on my behavior at seasonal events, at least with consideration to fidelity.  I could get totally drunk at my office party and make out with the receptionist behind the Christmas tree.  Well, I couldn’t really, but that’s just because our part-time receptionist is the president’s wife.  I can flirt with the women I ask to dance at Lindy Hop events.  I don’t actually talk to people at Lindy Hop events, but if I did, the flirting would be relentless.  When I’m out at the mall or department store, I can totally hit on the women who are shopping by themselves since they are probably stressed out and desperate.  To be fair, I’ve done all of my shopping online this year so the only women I saw were those in advertisements on amazon.com, target.com, and oldnavy.com.  I’m pretty sure one of them winked at me, though.  (That’s right, hide behind that argyle; I’m on to your game.)  And if I got caught under the mistletoe, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty.

I’ve never actually been caught under the mistletoe, I think.  I’m pretty sure that observing the tradition would embarrass me.  The kiss under the mistletoe also feels like a trap of some sort.  As if the only reason a particular person could get a kiss is by tricking another into noticing some mistletoe above them.  Because of that interpretation, I think I’d be reluctant to be the one who spotted the mistletoe in a chance collision.  That behavior seems like something that a Bigg loser would exhibit.  The tradition itself is full of misbeliefs, anyway.  The plant is a parasite and often poisonous, rather than being beneficial or antidotal.  It does not spring forth from bird droppings miraculously, but instead attacks its host tree and siphons out nutrients to survive.  Plus if you want to be a bit disturbed, try an internet search for mistletoe viscin and once you find out what that resembles, contemplate whether you want to kiss under it.  All that being said, I’m not necessarily opposed to falling into this trap.  Not necessarily.

I get reminded of my lone wolf status by many of those Christmas specials and movies I like so much.  Aside from the Grinch and Charlie Brown, it seems that Christmas heroes always get the girl.  Christmas heroines seem to get to be with their parents or other family members, so I’m not sure what that social norm implies.  Yes, Virginia, you get to keep living with your poor family?  I mean, even Tim Allen’s Santa gets a missus in the sequel!  Maybe my state was predestined, since of all the Christmas characters, I look most like Charlie Brown.  Come to think of it, my dog looks a little like Snoopy.   Arrrrrgh!

All kidding aside, it would be nice to have someone playing Miss Claus (yes, that’s right) to my Mister Claus.  To have someone to help figure out the naughty and nice list, to help map the most efficient route for the night’s flight, maybe even to help wrap the presents.  That would be good.  At the least, it could be helpful to have someone along for the ride to help me stay awake.  Even the high altitude doesn’t help after ten hours or so.  Red bull helps, but the conversation sucks.

I am not going to wish for a girlfriend, though.  I’m not even going to make a resolution for one.  As with all things in life, I think that if I do decide that I want to have a girlfriend for Christmas or any other time of the year, then I should follow that choice with actions.  I should figure out what I want from a relationship and then figure out the best way to get that.  I’m not foolish enough to think there’s a magical or mathematical formula to find that special someone, but I do think that a man can develop himself as a whole and good person to the degree that he is in the right place when he meets the right woman for him.  I think the same is true in whatever combination of genders is appropriate to others, too, of course.

So, I don’t expect to find a girlfriend under the Christmas tree, no matter how much I enjoy Mariah Carey’s song.  And as I just wrote, I don’t even think of having a relationship as a gift — it’s a consequence of being the sort of person who deserves one.  For that matter, I think you have to keep being that sort of person or you might end up not having one.  And I will say, if you are fortunate enough to have met the right one at the right time, I hope you appreciate it.  And if you’re with that person for Christmas, then among all the other gifts you exchange, I hope you get to exchange one of my favorites.  A Christmas kiss.

Since yesterday evening, I haven’t had to work. I was officially on Christmas vacation, for four whole days this year. During the Labor Day holiday or Memorial Day or Thanksgiving, I generally take the opportunity of a day off to do nothing. I’m pretty good at it. I’m not on too high of a horse that I can’t watch hours upon hours of television during days off. I have, in fact, seen all the major holiday related Peanuts specials. So has the horse. I’ve read books, gone on pointless expeditions with my dog, played computer games, watched so much youtube that it temporarily got renamed paultube… Just lots of nothing of significance.

Christmas is a different type of holiday for me. It’s a time when I take stock of my year and the people with whom I interact throughout. I try particularly hard to be a better friend and a better person by every measure important to me. It’s a time when I consciously choose to do things for other people as much as, or more than, for myself. Sure, I get some satisfaction out of it, but it’s a pleasure from an external benefit rather than an internal one.

Take this morning. I chose to spend this morning and half of this afternoon working on collecting every address I could from the people who matter to me, but who aren’t easy to visit during the holiday. I was then able to finish up some more Christmas cards and gifts and then went to the Post Office and spent about forty-five minutes there sending out little tokens of appreciation to my friends. I was pretty happy to do it because I think there’s a chance that when those people get these things from me in the mail, it’ll bring a smile to their faces.

I wish happy birthday to my friends when the occasion arises. I try to show my appreciation and affection for them throughout the whole year. But I don’t know everybody’s birthday. I’m not always comfortable enough to tell people what they mean to me. Yes, that’s a part of me and maybe I’ll work to overcome that. On Christmas, though, most people don’t think it’s weird if I ask for their address or send them a card, so I’m able to be a bit more expressive. On this occasion at the end of the year, I try to make sure that I’m not just doing the easiest thing and sending emails or whatnot; I put effort into showing people that I like them, like by writing little notes in greeting cards and actually posting through the mail.

During these last few days up to and including Christmas, I still plan to take a couple of hours each day to try to write up some of my thoughts about the season. There’s no obligation for me to do it, and at this point, I think I might be as Christmasy as I could possibly be–but people have actually gone out of their way to say that they enjoy reading my articles. And I do enjoy writing them. So I choose to keep spending this time sharing my ideas about the holiday with my friends.

Tonight, I could go out dancing; I choose to perform more Christmas preparations instead. Even though dancing at Glen Echo would mean I could spend some time with a couple of my friends, I’d have less time to finish up the rest of the cards and gifts I still have to prepare for many more of my friends! I got a lotta merry to share.

Our lives are all about making choices all the time. Reasoning distinguishes us from the other animals on the planet. We don’t simply make choices to eat or eliminate or reproduce. At least, not after college. Okay, we are not compelled to make just those choices; we can make other choices, too. We define our own motivations and we can choose generosity and emotional enrichment. It’s usually my nature to choose whatever course will result in the best or most personal gain. But personal isn’t the same as important. Spreading Christmas cheer is important to me. Each day, I’m choosing Christmas over the momentary and fleeting fun I might normally opt for, and I hope that this decision has some lasting consequences, because those are important, too.

Thus, every day, I choose to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you’re choosing to have one!

There are works of fiction galore depicting a person who becomes Santa Claus in some fashion. Sometimes, the figure has been in disguise throughout the beginning of the story and the climax includes a grand reveal. In other examples, we see the protagonist take on the mantle of the charitable icon of winter in a conscious act of personal life-changing. There are origin stories for Santa Claus and transformation stories. Every story along these lines that I can recall has one thing in common: they posit the theory that an ordinary person can be that red and white bedecked hero of the season.

I agree.

You might realize that this concept, which is less than a hundred years old at this writing, could be considered blasphemous were it applied to idols of various religions. No human can be unto a god since gods are inherently greater powers than we. St. Nicholas of Myra, even, holds a revered title that few people could attain as it is no trivial feat both to be venerable in life and to have miracles attributed to your intercession before and after your death. Ah, but Santa Claus is neither god nor saint any longer.

Santa Claus today is a recognizable character who is no one real person. He is more similar to Frankenstein’s monster than to a Greek, Christian bishop from the fourth century of the current era. He possesses parts of so many stories that the amalgam we know is more recognizable as a set of characteristics and ideals than a specific face. Those components can be admired by many people from diverse backgrounds all over the world.

There are those who dismiss Father Christmas as a sign of crass commercialization. The shallow observation can be made that Santa grants peoples’ wishes rather than fulfilling their needs. Another often cited reason to reject him is that he is simply a way to coerce children into behaving via bribery. All of these criticisms and numerous others make me think of trees.

A tree exists but to survive and perhaps reproduce. Inherent but incidental to its existence, it also serves as home and shelter to some animals, food for others, an anchor for the earth around it, a synthesizer of oxygen for those of us who breathe, and an inspiration to artists by the score since time immemorial. Humans can use that tree as fuel for a fire. We can craft that tree into clubs, or bats, or ships. We can whittle it into crafts for sale. We can fashion from it a stake for a vampire’s heart. What we do to the tree doesn’t matter in its definition. None of the things we can force a tree to be changes the nature of a tree.

The fact that Coca-Cola used Haddon Sundblom’s illustrations of the jolly old elf in its advertisements for thirty-five years doesn’t make Santa any less wonderful. It might make Coke less wonderful since that company traded on a fictitious character’s good name. I don’t begrudge the business decision, just the inconsistency with Santa’s legend. He’s supposed to drink milk and cookies, after all.

I think that if you like the idea of Santa Claus, you should feel free to take on any of his characteristics for yourself. If you want to be jolly, be so. If you want to be judgemental, please do. If you want the ability to fly, give it a shot. If you’re successful, teach me.

For myself, I have two Santa-related goals: 1) to be a Santa myself, at least once a year and 2) to inspire others to be Santa Clauses as well. In being a Santa Claus, I began with the attitude and ended up with a uniform.

I do create a list every year. Some years I can start in November, but this year was a bit delayed for me. On that list, I do not choose naughty or nice. I just don’t think the contemporary definitions fit my considerations. I choose Still Deserving, Once Deserving, and Undeserving. Next to each person’s name, I place the classification and then decide upon the type of gift or card that I would associate with them.

In choosing gifts, I do follow my own guidelines to fulfill people’s wishes. I do NOT choose to give gifts to fill needs. That’s a carefully considered decision on my part and I came to it this way: I earn my own survival. I work hard all year to ensure that I have food and shelter and the resources to live a sufficient life. When I have additional funds, I buy myself things that I want, but since I’ll already have spent money on the essentials, I can’t buy every whimsical item that I’d like. I think that everyone else should be the same. So, I’ll get gifts for deserving people, in hopes that they’ve already taken care of their needs.

I can’t sneak down people’s chimneys, but I can certainly sneak. Apartment buildings are tough, and I can’t usually do both Virginia AND Pennsylvania, but I do try to visit my nearby friends’ homes all in one night. It’s a terrific feeling being one of the few drivers out on the roads on Christmas eve. There’s a tight hot excitement from quietly sneaking up to and around your friends’ homes while everybody is asleep. If there’s time, I try to do a dry run before the actual night to make sure I know where I’m going and to see what apartments are accessible and which ones are not. I don’t think it’s called “casing the joint” if the purpose is to deliver gifts and cards.

And for my Christmas caper (I hope you never see it), I wear my version of a santa costume: it’s all red and black and gray because I was almost spotted in the red and white a few times. I wear black boots with silver buckles, red-fleece-lined jeans, a black belt with another silver buckle, a black and red jacket and a red and gray cap. To top it all off, I have a big red bag full of surprises in my hatchback. I like to think I’ll be able to explain myself if a police officer pulls me over that night.

I can’t really describe how much fun it is to play Santa Claus for Christmas every year, but I hope some people out there try it for themselves. You don’t have to go all out like I do, but maybe just drop off some cards at your friends’ doorsteps before dawn on Christmas. Perhaps just leave a secret gift for a coworker. It’s great, I promise. And imagine how amazing it would be if there were dozens of us, delivering our surprises and waving to each other as we passed like sleighs in the night. Think of how many people we could all surprise together: an army of Clauses waging a war against the war on Christmas.

If you want any tips or assistance in trying this out, I’d be happy to help. The hardest parts would still be up to you. In the end you’ll find, it doesn’t take a special magic, just a special decision: the decision to become Santa Claus.