At my Christmas Movies party tonight, my friend Katie M said, “You love Christmas!”
My tired, off-the-cuff reply probably sounded like gibberish. So I thought I’d try again with the (type)written word, since that’s the medium in which I’m most comfortable.
I like Christmas an awful lot, but I don’t love it. There are some aspects to the holiday that are my favorite things in the world, but they’d be my favorites even if I quietly sat through December and just enjoyed them by myself. I used to.
I would watch movies and eat foods and laugh and cry by myself for the season. This was way back in my early college days. And I keep telling everybody that I’m an introvert, so why don’t I do still that? Well, back then in college, when I came to a certain realization, is when Santa Paul was born.
It’s to do with my friends.
You’ve probably seen an inspirational message that pops up every once in a while, often after a horrible tragedy, about how if you love somebody you should tell them. You shouldn’t put it off, but do it right away! I believe in that. And I don’t believe in conformity to traditional gender ideas that say guys shouldn’t be sensitive nor share their feelings nor any similar old-fashioned notion.
And if you’ve interacted with me for any duration, you might think I’m very emotional, to the point of being sappy! But I don’t actually share my feelings all the time. I don’t do it because I fear making other people uncomfortable. Perhaps even to the point that they wouldn’t want to interact with me anymore. See, if I shared what I felt when I felt it, I’d pretty much be telling people that I love them all day, every day.
At the very least it could cut into productivity. At the worst, it could leave me alone in a widening circle of fleeing acquaintances. Or with restraining orders.
Ah, but back to my point — Christmas seems to give me more leeway to tell everyone I love them and get away with it. And that’s pretty much what I try to do. I do it literally, but I also try to do it with hugs, and by sending cards and presents, and by leaving my Grinchy cave long enough to socialize, and so on. And it’s okay! I’m allowed!
So that’s the real truth behind things like my Christmas Movies party. It’s not that I love Christmas. It’s that I love my friends.