PAULthinksmusings by a feminist
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When I posted my last piece about the date I had with “S”, I saw that I got a few visits and that was fun, but the only comment I got was from my friend, Sam of Yogitastic. So I figured that just about nobody cared about it.

Then, much to my surprise, every time I spoke to a friend in real life or via email, they’d ask what happened with that woman. They asked if there was a second date or if we were dating now. Huh.

Now, I’m aware that people are more inclined to complain than compliment online, but I was still taken aback that so many both seemed to have read my overlong account and gotten invested in it. That sort of readership makes me feel like I owe all of you info about the rest of the story.

Let me be clear from the start that I still really like S and think fond things about her and that first date. So, at the end of that date, when I thought we’d be going out again later that week, I was… I thrilled at the thought of it.

And then, before the night when she and I were supposed to have our second rendezvous, she contacted me to let me know that stuff had come up and we’d have to postpone a bit. I offered a few options but she just said we’d figure it out. Okay, that didn’t sound promising, but I’m generally willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I went about my week and went to visit a friend one night to help her with some computer stuff (connecting a printer wirelessly). On my way home, I realized I was passing not far from where S lived so I pulled over and gave her a call to see what was up. She didn’t take my call, but texted back to let me know that we weren’t going to have that second date.


It turned out that upon consideration, the fact that I read her blog and twitter account unsettled her. Now, she gave me more detailed reasons, but there’s no need for me to share them here. I’ll simply say that the elaboration she gave made sense and it wasn’t cruel or flippant.

But I liked this woman. Still do. So, I told her that I’d unfollow her and never look at her blog again and she could even block me. And I clarified that she could stalk me all she wants, I just wouldn’t do the same in return. She told me again that she would like to go on another date with me so she’d think about it.

And that’s it.

I really haven’t looked at her twitter feed or her blog since I told her I wouldn’t. I think she might still follow me on twitter but I’d have to look at her account to find out.

It’s been long enough now that I don’t hold out hope that she’ll ever contact me for that second date, but that’s not going to change my behavior or how I feel about our one night out. Because what happened later didn’t change what happened before, and I liked what happened before.

Now, if I can just find someone who’ll go on two dates with me, that’ll be great.

About Paul Roth

A vegetarian, agnostic, lindy-hopping, dog-loving tv-watcher who likes to read his own words.
This entry was posted in All, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to The Rest of the Story of S

  1. Sam says:

    What is the rationalization behind putting stuff online that you aren’t comfortable sharing with everyone? Does it then mean that you aren’t comfortable with all aspects of who you are? I can understand censorship to protect a career but there’s a line.

    To each her own I suppose.

    • Paul Roth says:

      I think, and these are my words not hers, that she just doesn’t want her dates to read what she puts online. Everyone else would be fine.

      • Sam says:

        Do you know if she read your post about your date with her?

        • Paul Roth says:

          I’m sure she saw me tweet about it, and maybe she read it, but I didn’t comb through the logs to see if I could track her down amidst my visitors or anything. If we ever talked, I’d just ask her directly, but her lack of contact tells me she doesn’t want to chat. Which, again, is fine. It was just one date, after all.

  2. j says:

    Well that sucks, but at least she was honest with you about it. I do not tell anyone that I date about my blog. This is based on past experience so I kinda understand where she is coming from.

    Oh and I apologize for not commenting last time. Sometimes I read things with the intention to comeback and comment and then forget.

    • Paul Roth says:

      No need to apologize! Thanks for commenting this time!

      And again, I understand your (maybe her) concern. But I’d have liked to have been given a chance to fail to impress her on my own merits. 😀

  3. SingleDC says:

    I can see her side – it’s really unnerving knowing a guy reads your blog and still wants to date you, because then you have to censor yourself, blah blah blah – bunnies.

    But here’s hoping for 2 next time!

  4. Aw, bummer. I too read the first post and failed to comment but was excited to see where things were going.

    It’s interesting how the online world can meddle with real life. Such a tricky area to navigate. I honestly think it’s so much harder to date now than it was even a few years ago. Or at least this is what I tell myself to feel a little better 😉

    And, it’s good that you have no expectations about her contacting you again so you don’t end up disappointed, but it *does* sound like she is genuinely interested in you. I’m hoping she wants to give it another shot because it seemed like there was something potentially really good there.

    • Paul Roth says:

      Eh, I don’t begrudge her anything. Having an online blog/twitter is like writing pages in your diary and then publishing them, after all. That’s just one reason why so many people do it anonymously. I think previous guys she’d dated behaved … badly, about her online stuff.

  5. Thiefree says:

    Aww, I’m sorry to hear that hun. I think I can understand why she feels that way, lord knows it’s put people off before…

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